10 Ways to Hide Your Copy of 50 Shades of Grey From Everyone
By now we’ve all heard about the literary sensation known as Fifty Shades of Grey. Especially if you have a married vagina. Or you were the women sitting next to me at Magic Mike.
For those of you who have not yet read this, and are curious but also a bit embarrassed by the material, here's a list of ways to get in on this steamy read without giving yourself away:
- If you have an iPhone, download the Kindle app and read it on your phone. That way, you can always claim you’re scrolling through email or playing a very slow game of Draw Something.
- If you don’t have an iPhone, purchase your copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on your e-reader of choice, but accept that you’re living dangerously. Be sure to keep your finger poised on the “off” button at all times.
- While you’re reading, never sit in a position where someone could walk behind you or slide up next to you.
- While on an airplane with Fifty Shades of Grey, take window seats only. Back against the wall. Reader of choice close to your eye balls.
- Don’t read for longer than half an hour at a time. You don’t want to look too “into it.” That invites questions such as, “What are you reading?”
- Whenever someone says they’re reading Fifty Shades of Grey, ask them if you should read it. People will never guess you already are.
- If anyone point blank asks you if you’ve read it, say no. You haven’t read it if you’re still reading it. (If you want to keep this question ongoing, avoid reading the very last page).
- If you accidentally find yourself in a conversation in which people are discussing the plot of Fifty Shades of Grey, chime in with your thoughts about the plot of Flowers in the Attic. Then, laugh and act embarrassed that you thought Fifty Shades of a Grey was a book you read in junior high school. Make a joke about getting old.
- As soon as you finish Fifty Shades of Grey, erase it from your phone / e-reader.
- Download/pick up a copy of Flowers in the Attic and repeat steps 1-9.
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Are you planning to read 50 Shades of Grey? Openly or on the DL? Spill in the comments!
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29 comments
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That awkward moment when you're sitting on the bus reading 50 shades and the guy sitting next to you starts making creepy faces at you...One more tip for the list. If all else fails keep your backlight on low. ;) -
So I am watching TV and suddenly there is this announcement... Next month: It's 'FIFTY SHADES OF GREY' month! Meaning, Erotic movies every Friday ans Saturday...
Immediately though about this topic and just had to write it down! ;) -
So after having sworn not to read them, I have finally given in and decided to see for myself what the fuss is all about.
I have to say say that I have read better fanfics than this (not to mention books). It also reminds me of Sarra Manning's 'Unsticky' if we take out all the BDSM.
That being said, it's rather addictive. It's so bad that it's good! And being such a poorly written book, it's extremely easy to read. Started it a couple of hours ago and I'm halfway through. -
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haha this is so funny! for anyone thats not read the 5o shades yet, definitely follow these tips. Its well worth the secrecy! -
these are the first books that i have read since the cross and the switchblade soooo heck no im not hiding them....im just proud to be reading!!!! and im too old to blush at this stuff anyway....lol!!!!!
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Quite possibly reading it. My father has the trilogy- I'm not sure what that means. He claims it was for his young adult literature class :/
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I've reinterpreted the entire first book using a puppet named Hugo and a blue bunny I recently named Goofy. They have amazing chemistry. Goofy says "Crap" and "Holy cow!" like no one else. She beguiles me. Shameless plug follows: http://speaker7.wordpress.com/fifty-shades-of-grey/ -
My friend just bought all the books. I may ask her to borrow them when she finishes, just to see what all the fuss is about. -
No shame here! I whip out the paperback even during rush hour on the T in Boston. Just can't put it down! -
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Everyone already knows I'm twisted in all sorts of fun ways so I'd read it anywhere, if only it were worth reading. :(
I've asked my friends about it, only to hear that's it not very kinky. A bit risque for people who's most risque act has been having sex on the couch. But a book that might help some people express their desires and find a more fulfilling sex life. -
@Phoebe - and wow, make that *poorly In my defense, that was a typo. And my eyebrows widened as soon as I realized what I had done. ;) -
@Phoebe - Not just that, but apparently extremely poor written fanfic. I hope she doesn't have a hand in writing the screenplay!
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omg u actually read books they r so stupid and pointless
i hate them especially harry potter i hate the movie so -
Read enough to want to rewrite it: http://imissyouwheniblink.com/2012/04/03/fifty-shades-of-laundry-folded-neatly/
Btw, Flowers in the Attic - great reference. Creeeeeeeepy. -
I read it via paperback. I figure everyone knows it's smutty smutness. So I read it out in the open - afterall, everyone knows it's a best seller, so your neighbor that only wears turtlenecks is probably reading it. My mom is even reading it...and I'm sure my 90 year old gramma is too. Actually, I'm more embarrassed that my mom is reading it. -
lol loved this post Elizabeth. haven't read it but just got a text from a friend last week saying i should...really can't deal with poor writing though so thanks for the warning @youburnwithus haha -
This is too funny! I set up a password for my Kindle when I got it last year, and its actually come in handy when reading and I don't want anyone to see what i'm actually reading. And, if anyone asks, i'm reading "Moneyball".
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LOL! This was amazing!
I read the first two pages of the book before I slapped myself and stopped. -
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LOL I laughed so hard at this post. I have to say though... There is much, much better smut out there than this book. ;) (no, I do not read NC-17 rated fics what are you talking about?)
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Elizabeth, these are some awesome ideas!! I sure was embarrassed reading it but I have to say, I really enjoyed watching the expressions on peoples faces while they were openly reading it in the airport. Quite entertaining!
